When I turned 30 I thought I was looking ahead to a decade of settling into myself along with a husband, a career, and a home in the city. I was just shy of being a wife of two years, lived in a beautiful apartment on the Upper West Side near Riverside Park with my husband and kitty, had a thriving Pilates/yoga business and was dipping my feet back into the dance world feeling more confident in myself and my craft. The recipe for a grateful life was all there. I could now dig a little deeper into that life and settle into these roots of "Phoebe."
Little did I know then I would be uprooted in all sorts of ways that somehow rerooted me in the Hudson Valley. I had no idea my Dad would reappear after 15 years of abandonment, then pass away suddenly, that my husband would leave me, that I would gain a pet and loose both, and that I would loose the careers that I was building, a few times. I also didn't know that I would fall in love again, first my with myself, that I would start my own business, that I would heal deep family wounds, and that I would build strong friendships which ground me in ways I never knew were possible. I now see how all that was necessary and all allowed me to dig a little deeper into myself and this universe. So I did exactly what I intended to do in my 30's just in a very different way that I thought it would be.
I'm not sure if we have only one life to live but I am grateful for the many lives it has led me to live among it. Perhaps that is the lesson here. Your world will always change all around you, even when you don't realize it the undertones of the universe are always shifting you to where you intended to be and your cells are always replenishing before your very own transforming eyes to reveal yourself to yourself.
Sometimes when we are quiet and look around, we get glimpses of seeing it and feeling it. We witness and simply allow the work to be done to us. The lesson is to let go and let it happen because it seems to be that it will happen anyway. Allow yourself to dig deep and the layers will begin to peel away and reveal your soul. There we discover our own beauty of our inner universe and how it is in a constant dance with the greater one.
Life is a dance. We are dancing without even knowing we are most of the time. Why not wake up, hear the music, and find the delight in the changing rhythms, melodies, and tones, it plays for us! Let's dance in this beautiful dance of change and transformation!
As I now step into my forties, I intend to embrace this dance and all the mysteries it wants reveal to me about myself and this mystical universe.